Get (a) Clue

I have a simple, humble request that I am sending out into the ether, hoping it reaches its destination. It’s a wild hope that I have no control over, just a pleading from my heart.

Dear Hollywood,

Please, never ever never ever remake the 1985 Clue. It is absolutely perfect the way it is. The ensemble is magical, the music is flawless, and the ending is unrepeatable. Any attempt to update it would be a disaster, and I would carry a heavy grudge against everyone involved, including the caterers.

Is it the very best film ever made? Probably not. Sure, 12 Angry Men (1957) has critical acclaim and WallE (2008) has amazing dialogue. They could offer some competition. And, because I am a woman in her 30s, there was a period of my life spent over-analyzing the character nuances in Titanic (1997). But I still think that Clue is unbeatable.

This is where I tell you that the first paragraph of this letter was a lie. There was one way, and only one way, to improve Clue.

How? Show it to a group of strangers, in a new place, preferably with candles as the only other light.

Broad St Cider and Ale, a place that I had never heard of before, had that exact same brilliant idea. (okay, maybe they thought of it first). They jogged out a projector, hung a white sheet high, and didn’t charge a cover.

It was a last-minute decision to go, and I’d been debating for a few hours whether or not to show up, courtesy of the 4:00 p.m. thought.

***4:00 p.m. thoughts are the ones that challenge yesterday’s great idea. Like, sure, watching a great movie is a lovely way to unwind on a Tuesday, but why not do it at home? Where I don’t have to wear socks or pretend to share popcorn politely?***

But the opposite of laziness won, and, that is how I learned that, Ladies and Gentlemen. . . Broad St. Cider and Ale has a parking lot. A real one, with several spaces, and (again) no parking charge, and, the best part, a food truck. Okay, maybe that isn’t so amazing to most people, but I’m still enough in a New York state of mind to be impressed.

And, okay, I don’t think that La Cocinita food truck lives there all the time, but they were there for Clue. When it came time for the mass exodus in search of tacos, they paused the film until everyone had made it back inside. Which had the added bonus of my seeing the food I was trying to eat and also just felt polite.

For the showing, it wasn’t too crowded and the crowd became progressively more amusing as the movie and hard ciders continued, until half of the place was reciting along with Tim Curry and the other half was trying to.

Being that Clue is the height of horror for me, I was of course in the first group. That ending never stops getting better.

Which is why – Hollywood – I’m begging you. I’ll give you one of my tacos if you promise me to never attempt to remake Clue.

Just a small taco, though.