Something bizarre happens while I’m running. A part of my brain shuts off. Not the part that feels pain or remembers my address, but the part that likes jokes. I am unable to accept metaphors, or find the humor in self-deprecating jabs. If I’m running, and you stood in my way yelling “You Suck,” I would probably believe you.
Please don’t do that. You’ll see me cry, which means I’m losing more salt and water than from just sweat.
Has anyone seen the funny running tee shirts? Many are wonderful, and I own a few. But, if I was in the middle of mile 2, looked down at my shirt and saw “WORLD’S OKAYEST RUNNER,” then that run is going to take a dive like I jumped out of a plane because I WILL believe my shirt. I SAW it, and my shirt said I’m only okay.
By mile two, I don’t have enough brainpower to argue against fabric.
On the other hand, if my shirt says “You Can Do It, Buttercup!” I also will believe it. Of course I can do this! I’m wearing a shirt that says Buttercup! It is my shirt, and it would not lie to me.
Note: I do not have a shirt with either of the above sayings. I think this needs to be changed immediately.
I hope that one day I will be accustomed to running enough so random sayings cannot make me cry in the middle of a run. But, until then, if you happen to see an awkward brunette runner with mismatched socks around 6:00 in the morning in New York, please just ignore her.
On the flip side, there are some very not-subtle things on my run that can cheer me up immediately. Here are the ones that immediately come to mind:
Getting a smile from the other runners also out first thing in the morning. Early-morning runners share smiles – how cool is that?! It does make sense. It is 6:15 and we’re all basically asleep and sweating profusely at the same time. We look at each other as if to say, “Yeah, we’re out of our minds, but we have each other.”
Seeing dogs. They are sweet and cute and fuzzy and I’m sure want to come home with me. I can tell by the way that they completely ignore me. Especially corgi butts - seriously. One of the highlights of running last week was coming up on a corgi puppy butt. They really do look like hearts! I slowed down so quickly that I think I scared the owner. Actually, I would have taken a picture of that corgi butt, but (see the above argument).
Pretty scenery. Thank you to the people who invest in their lawns or whatever strip of dirt you control. It helps so much. Especially thank you to the Presbyterian Church on my route. Your garden is beautiful and it smells nice.
My jam comes on. When I first started running, I listened to the only album I owned – Adele. She is wonderful, but doesn’t actually make me want to run faster and longer. More go home and wrap myself up with hot chocolate and think of all the Rom-Com couples that probably didn’t make it. But, if Kongos starts, then nothing holds me back (except the song ending). Yes, I WILL come with you now!
Realizing that I’m further in my run than I expected. When I’ve been blessedly distracted for a few minutes (either from music or corgi butts), and I find out that I’m only a major intersection away from stopping running, that is awesome!
For the newbs: I am training for the Jazz Half Marathon on October 28, 2017. All the proceeds go to the Cancer Program at Children’s Hospital of New Orleans. Donations are gratefully and gleefully accepted here: www.crowdrise.com/running-cancer-out-of-town/fundraiser/JaneCummins